


Locked Up

by vejita



Category: Kung Fu Panda (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Gen, Other, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26158975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vejita/pseuds/vejita
Summary: In his life as the Dragon Warrior, Po has fought many villains, but there are three of them that he will never forget: the proud Tai Lung, the ambitious Shen and the greedy Kai. Does the power of love and friendship always win? Is it possible to make his biggest enemies get along with each other and, why not, became good men together? These are the thoughts that has made him decided to set in motion his plan: create the appropriate atmosphere to make a new friendship bloom.
Relationships: Kai/Lord Shen (Kung Fu Panda), Kai/Tai Lung (Kung Fu Panda), Lord Shen/Tai Lung (Kung Fu Panda), Po/Tai Lung
Kudos: 18





	Locked Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crack fanfiction so don't take too seriously what's written. This is based on a modern world where the kung fu is still one of the main arts. No one of the villains died in this world: they were just imprisoned somewhere in the Valley of Peace. At the moment they were on probation.

Silence;  
That was the only thing that could be heard in the last hour inside of the big room. The atmosphere was as sharp as a knife, so much that it could have easily cut in half the vocal chords of anyone who dared to speak. The Sun had already set and the gentle night breeze was silently coming in, making the air fresher; it was completely in contrast with the hot and boiling anger that the three men sitting together on a couch too small for their tastes were experiencing in that moment.

It all started because a certain panda managed to free three dangerous man and making them come to his house, sure that no one of them would have turned down the possibility to get revenge on him; however, as much as it may sound controversial at first, he had a clear objective in mind: reunite three of his most terrible enemies and make them get along. He was sure that the power of friendship would have also worked in their case, making them friendly and easy to get along with. What he didn't count was a simple and yet important fact: neither of the three men were known for having a warm and cosy personality.

"You two are annoying", suddenly a voice emerged from what it seemed to be a deep sea made of silence and stillness. It belonged to a big bull, whose eyes shined like gems.

"Then stand up and leave", immediately after another voice said bitterly. It sounded dangerously calm and it didn't match the mad expression the snow leopard was making.

"I have more important things to do than staying with a poor choice of villains like you two", the third and last one claimed. It sounded bored, exactly how you would expect from peacock with royal blood.

"You too then: stand up and leave", Tai Lung said bitterly, making sure to mark every word. 

"I would love to walk away from you but I simply can't"; She sounded completely uninterested, but from his gaze it was obvious to anyone that he was furious. 

To make sure his plan worked, Po locked them in a room together, with plenty of food and a big TV. How did he manage to lock them up without being kicked was a mystery to everyone. 

"You two are seriously too annoying, just shut your mouths";  
Kai could feel himself getting more and more angry by the seconds, so much that at the first sign of the start of another fight he couldn't help but raise his voice. 

However, Shen wasn't having it that night so he argued back: "Then you shouldn't have talked in the first place or is your mouth broken and can't keep itself shut?"

The two males were looking at each other almost like they were two predators fighting over a prey. The air of the room seemed to be made out of static electricity, enough to make an enormous beast unconscious. 

"Your pissed voices are making me feel more pissed than I already am", Tai Lung angrily said, not letting the others forget about him.  
After hearing that, the pristine and elegant peacock immediately shoot an homicidal gaze to him.

Since the moment they realized what Po did to them, they started fighting for every single thing. The slightest thought that they could cooperate didn't even cross their minds: they were too busy hating each others' guts.

"Unfortunately for you I can't catch fire and burn, no better how much you stare at me: after all, I'm not one of your flammable toys". The way the snow leopard's voice was full of sarcasm made Shen feel a strong desire to blow him up; however, he simply lowered his voice and muttered angrily: "At least, unlike you, my "toys" were able to almost destroy the panda".

"Don't talk about that panda in front of me or you will have a close encounter with the wall". The hate that Kai felt towards Po was as strong as ever, so much that only the littlest hint at him could make his blood boil.

"With your 500 years I fear that your arm may come off during the launch", the snow leopard said, after being cut off again from the discussion. 

"Do you wish to swallow one of your arms, you ball of fur?"

"Can you two stop acting like kids? The more you scream, the less I tolerate you". The peacock's patience was seriously running out after what it seemed to he a never ending torture: even prison was better than staying with the other two men. 

"This discussion is none of your business", Kai and Tai Lung screamed at the same time, deliberately ignoring the hidden threat being Shen's words.

"I know that for your small brains it's hard to comprehend it but this discussion is more than just my business: I never wished to be stuck with you and I will absolutely adore if you would just shut your mouths" 

Tai Lung had enough;  
As soon as Shen finished his sentence, the big feline got up and approached him. His eyes were filled with pure anger, so much that anyone would have trembled out of fear at the sight; however, Shen wasn't like any other person, and so he just stared unimpressed at the other man. 

"This whole discussion began because you two had to fight over who had the right to choose what to watch on the TV. So, instead of just talking, man up and fight", Kai said clearly bored by their chatting. To make his point more known he pushed Tai Lung, making him step on the classy robe made of silk that the royal peacock was wearing. 

They say nothing travels faster than light but that day the knife Shen carries always with him flew to the leopard so fast that neither of the two other man had the time to comprehend what just happened. 

"I had enough of your idiotic behaviour. Get lost, now!"

"Who the hell you think you are to tell me what I can or cannot do?!"

"In 500 years of life I've never met someone as detestable as you two!"

Soon another fight broke up, full of inhuman screams and terrible insults, enough to make even a sailor turn pale.  
It was in that moment that the mastermind behind all of that mess entered into the room. Po tried to say hi but the heated fight swallowed every attempt of making his presence known. Frowning, he tried to get closer and see what was that all about, when suddenly he saw on the table all the food the others had left untouched.

'They don't seem to care that much', he said to himself as if to justify his next moves. With swift movements, he took some potato chips and the remote control, careful to not make much noise. 

Nevertheless, at the sounds of the TV playing and of someone sitting comfortably on the couch besides them, the three man looked up and froze in their place: there was the source of all of their problems; the main reason as to why they were fighting; the one that set up a trap and locked them up; that damn panda was standing there.  
However, even if they wanted to jump on him, they simply stood there shocked; after all, they spent so much time in that room that they feared to be hallucinating. 

"Hi guys, do you need the TV by any chance?"

Silently, they all got up and started walking away; in that moment staying in the same room with Po was too much for them, no matter how much they wished to get revenge.

"Savour this moment panda, because it will be one of the last of your life", Tai Lung said as he took the knife Shen previously used on him and planted it on the couch. For the first time in the entire day, the three villains agreed with each others.

"Ow man, are you all already leaving? Well, at least you seem to be getting along quite well!"

Gritting their teeth Shen, Kai and Tai Lung went away, after having been defeated by the panda another time, agreeing to get revenge for that nightmare of a day together.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are looking for something much more serious, I have many more fanfiction! This one is something born out of boredom during a summer night, so please don't judge me;;;


End file.
